The Black Sheep of Poly or: The OPP Heresy

Welcome back to the Menagerie my good readers!  I want to be upfront and say that this is a piece that I'm reposting from an old blog of mine from about a year ago.  I still feel the topic covered here is important and in need of continued discussion. 

So I’ve been doing this poly thing for a while, not a terribly long time by some people’s standards, but remarkably successfully by others. In all that time I’ve discovered that for a community that is open, loving, and an absolute paragon of communication and emotional processing there is one thing that tends to bring all communication to a screeching halt.

That would be the OPP policy, Or “One Penis Policy”. Yes, I recognize that OPP Policy is redundant, but people still call Automatic Teller Machines “ATM Machines” so I imagine this bit of grammatical redundancy can be forgiven. That being said, let’s dive right in and explain what an OPP is and why, perhaps, it is so universally reviled among a group who otherwise professes that we should “Poly How It Works For You”.

First: What is an OPP? It’s pretty much written on the tin. A poly relationship in which there can be only one penis, but both partners are allowed to date all the women they want. A situation that’s especially problematic if the female partner is, I don’t know, a 1 on the Kinsey Scale? (That means straight as they come for those who aren’t familiar)

The Origins Of The Case Against OPP

We all know about those discussions, the ones where your average Joe will try to convince his wife to engage in a threesome. So long as the other partner is a woman of course. There’s a reason two men and one woman is called the Devil’s Threesome, and I like to believe that’s because even the most devout priest would soil himself dreaming of two naughty nuns, but the idea of another penis was too close to a nail from the crucifixion for him to be comfortable with.

Unless it was an underage boy perhaps? Ahem… Moving on.

There’s a lot of reasons for this that the men involved will quote you, and a lot of it probably comes down to a socially conditioned attitude about sexuality and a paralyzing fear of penises touching. There’s also a massive amount of insecurity likely floating around about penis size, which is something about which every walk of society is brutal.

Perhaps these can be forgiven.

Where the real problem begins is men who are wanting to get into a threesome for purely selfish reasons, especially where the word “Poly” gets thrown around in that context. They are only concerned about getting their fantasy fulfilled while still keeping their ‘home base’ all to themselves.

In the worst cases it isn’t just their primary partner that is subjected to the OPP, but all partners they have. This is commonly known as ‘the Harem Collector’, but I find that phrase problematic for reasons we’ll address later.

“But what if the partner is bi?” I hear you ask “Then doesn’t she get to have her cake and eat it too?”

Sure… If the partners he selects are all bisexual woman who are also interested in his wife. Such creatures are called Unicorns for a reason, they’re rare as hen’s teeth. (To be accurate, it’s not that such women are rare, it’s simply that the confluence of a woman who is both poly, interested in you, AND equally interested in your partner is a lot of variables to coordinate, and we can’t all roll 20’s all the time).

So, let’s see if we can narrow down the actual problem here, shall we?

The OPP is a problem when it unfairly benefits one side of the equation, where one or more partners are not happy with the situation (more on this later, it’s an important distinction), and where one or more partners are not having their needs met. Add in a few extra (and frighteningly common) parameters where coercion and control are involved, and the reason this is problematic becomes incredibly clear.

But Wait? Isn’t This Just A Bad Relationship?

Well now! That’s where you and I come into agreement! The factors involved in the relationship are unhealthy! It’s unbalanced, someone (or multiple someones) aren’t happy in the relationship, and their needs aren’t being met. The other elements mentioned above aren’t just an unhappy relationship, they’re an abusive relationship. None of these elements have ANYTHING TO DO with the fact that it’s an OPP. It’s just incredibly common with OPP relationships. And here is my opinion on why.

The problematic relationships that have an OPP are not Poly Relationships, they’re coerced relationships where infidelity is involved. Yes yes, one could argue that because someone agreed to it, it’s technically a poly relationship. So perhaps we can call it an unhealthy Poly relationship. That work for you? Good. Because at the end of the day it isn’t the OPP that’s the problem, remove it from the equation and the relationship is still a shitty relationship.

So maybe, just maybe, we can stop talking about the OPP being the problem, hmm?

There are plenty of relationships, solid, happy poly relationships, that invoke the OPP. It’s just what makes them happy. In the quest to help warn people and protect them from bad poly relationships where the OPP happens to be present we vilify those people who are in healthy OPP relationships and make them worried about speaking out.

Instead, we need to find a way to discuss “Healthy” poly relationships vs “Unhealthy” ones, without any discussion of the structure, and without vilifying any particular dynamic.

We are an open and inclusive community, one who celebrates love in all its forms. This seems to be one place where we forget that, and in the process begin to alienate people who might otherwise become allies and find a home among us. We need more examples of good OPP relationships so that we can hold them up against relationships that are unhealthy as examples.

Full disclosure. I’m in one such relationship, there’s even a name for it. “A Closed Bisexual Triumvirate”. We’ve been together for two years and counting and will be having a wedding for the three of us next year. It’s been a hell of a ride, and I’m hoping we manage to beat our mother-in-law’s present record, her and her two partners have been together for 25 years.

Haven and Hearth: The King Of Wilderness Survival Games

Welcome back to the Menagerie!  Today we're going to talk about the most enduring game in my collection, an MMORPG that has had an incredible impact on my perception of what a good game could be, and how a Wilderness Survival MMO with permadeath can be done right. This is decidedly a niche market in the industry, and one that is incredibly difficult to do well without overbalancing things towards a safe and fear-free existence or a slaughter fest driven by veteran players with an odd sense of "Fun".

What It Is
Haven and Hearth is a Wilderness Survival Game that is heavily based on the building and development of communities that work together for mutual benefit.  Playing the game solo is entirely possible though it's difficult, if not impossible, to keep up with the larger factions that have copious amounts of manpower on their hands.  Strangely, this doesn't in any way detract from the fun involved in playing a "Hermit" as the community refers to them, and many people have long and enjoyable careers playing this game without ever becoming part of an official community.

Haven and Hearth is in a perpetual Alpha, meaning that the mechanics in the game are always subject to change, with major changes resulting in a world reset.  World resets are equally feared and anticipated, and the population of the game will swell to nearly 2000 players online at any given time during the early days following a reset.  However, a reset also comes with a completely new map, an erasure of all the characters and the development that has been done on them.  During this stage players jockey for position, looking for places that have good resources and attractive terrain to serve as their new home.

Unexpectedly it doesn't matter much whether you start at the beginning of a world or join it part way through, there is still opportunities to participate in the world and community meaningfully.  A canny player can speed their character and villages development through scavenging decaying cities, gathering wild herbs, hunting wild animals, and procuring other resources they can trade with those who came before.

If it seems like I haven't spoken much about the gameplay itself yet, it's because the community has always been the centerpiece of what has drawn me to the game as a player, and has kept me coming back again year after year.  Rather than going on about the game further at this point, I'm going to share the video on their homepage with you, just to give you a peek at what those who check this game out are in for.  Be warned that Haven and Hearth has never placed great stock on the newest and greatest graphics, instead focusing on gameplay as the centerpiece of their development. Still, I think I would find myself saddened somewhat if they were to flash it up, the art style found in the game is part of its appeal.

Alright, you've gotten this far and no doubt spent a few minutes with the video, so now that we're all envisioning things the same way we can talk about why I feel the gameplay is amazing.  But first, a warning.  Haven and Hearth not only demands a great deal of time, but something about its design compels you to not only enjoy this aspect but compels you to keep coming back.

So What's So Great About The Gameplay?

I'm only going to be able to scratch the surface of the complexity of this game, meaning I'll have to talk about these aspects in broad strokes in this article.  So I present here a bullet-point list:

• Active and Engaged Development Team - If you don't understand why this is first on the list as part of the games gameplay aspects, you've never sat and waited for months for simple updates to occur, bugs to be fixed, and new content to be released.  Their content schedule sees regular small updates coming out every week and greater updates occurring at intervals.
• Skill-Based Advancement - Not since the days of Ultima Online have I seen a character development system that focuses on spending LP (This games version of XP) on individual skills that does it so well.  There are no levels in this game, no classes.  Just you, your stats, and your skills.
• Unique Stat Advancement - In the game, they're known as abilities, and you may be wondering how you can advance these if there are no levels?  The answer is a robust and meaningful food system that requires you to think about what you eat, balance your diet to get the best results, know what to drink and when, and indulge in a variety of the over 200 foods to reach your personal stat goals.
• Unfarmable LP System - Remember, LP (Learning Points) are Haven and Hearths Experience Points.  XP in this game does something entirely different.  LP is primarily gained in this game by studying items you have to find or craft called curiosities.  While there are ways to streamline your LP gain, you can't just grind it up by going out and killing mountains of beasties.
• Magic Done Different - Everyone in Haven and Hearth is capable of casting magic using their "Hearth Magic" system.  But it isn't what you think.  The Haven and Hearth magic system doesn't contain flashy attacks and glowing defenses.  Instead, you can calm that wild horse so you can ride it longer, you can improve the depth (and therefore the quality) of your well, halve the time it takes you to study those curiosities we mentioned, and even tell where a meteor will strike the earth.
• Robust Crafting System - It is safe to say that Haven and Hearth is primarily a crafting and community development game, and as a result, there is a robust crafting system in place that essentially drives every aspect of advancement.  From the clothes and equipment you wear to the food you eat, everything is made by the players.
• Clothes With Meaning and Variety - If you're familiar with MMORPG's, you're probably expecting that your equipment will come with stats that help to supplement your ability.  You wouldn't be wrong, but you'd be quite wrong about how its implemented.  Rather than having stats of their own (most) clothing has gilding slots that you can slot, you guessed it, gildings in.  Gildings improve the stats of clothing, and any gilding can be placed in any garment that has gilding slots.  However, some gildings work better with some clothing better than others. Like everything else on this list, it would take forever to explain this in depth, and so may require another article of its own, should I decide to revisit it.
• Completely Terraformable World - The world in Haven and Hearth is terraformable to a remarkable degree by the player base.  Before you start dreaming about great ditches and towering motte and bailey fortresses, be aware that it requires an extensive amount of effort and time to complete any large-scale project.
• World Object's Appearance Based On Materials Used - Houses, Ovens, Garden Sheds, Carts, Wagons, and many of the other objects in the world change appearance depending on what materials you use to build them.  This gives players a remarkable ability to leave their mark on the world in unique ways.  Every stone, brick, and metal can be used to pave the ground, including the interiors of your homes, with a unique texture.  Great works of pixel art have been done using this method.

These are just some of the aspects that make this game unique and engaging.  Add in the unique combat system, the overwhelmingly 'natural' feel of the world with its real-world dangers and creatures, and siege systems that make it possible to defend your claims and villages while still maintaining a serious threat and you have a game that will keep you coming back for years.

It's History
Haven and Hearth got its start as most indy games do, with a pair of dreamers concocting an idea of a game that would stand apart from the usual fare and bring something interesting and unique to the industry.  It was in 2005 that Jorb (That's pronounced Yorb) first came to Loftar and presented the idea of Haven and Hearth to him, and in 2007 succeeded in convincing Loftar to 'teach him how to make a game' resulting in a very vestigial single player version of the game.

It took all of a month for them to begin developing the code on a client/server model, a style of game that will be immediately familiar to anyone who owns and plays a game that cannot be played without logging into some server.  The client is what you run on your desktop and gives you your interface, the server exists elsewhere managing the environment separately.

Since then the game has undergone 11 years of development, beginning with a quiet following that has steadily grown to include a dedicated group of players numbering in the thousands.  To this day the game retains its free-to-play model, and has a unique approach to pay to play that is well balanced, is primarily cosmetic, and is in no way pay-to-win.  Dark magics indeed.

Conclusion:
If you've made it this far, thank you for reading, and I hope you give Haven and Hearth a try.  Next week I'll be posting about another favorite wilderness survival game of mine.  While it's a single player game, it also had an important influence on Haven and is an excellent game in its own right.  For those who want to take a peek, stop in and check out Unreal World, you can find it on Steam.

Disclaimer: I am in no way affiliated with Haven and Hearth, or its developer SeaTribe.  Nor is this intended as a marketing blog, I am merely a huge fan of the game who has been playing it for years, and knows how hard it is to find a Wilderness Survival game that is both approachable and has the staying power to keep players coming back. The video embedded in this post is not mine, but is the property of SeaTribe and Haven and Hearth and was taken from their homepage.